The major food groups: less of, more of, and roughly the same amount but in different form

So I’ve noticed lately that I’m becoming a little pudgy due to the lack of exercise (attributed to both laziness and the daily rains) and I have decided to analyze my diet as a method of weight control (although it’s highly unlikely that I have the self-discipline to actually eat healthier food in place of the Cremositas and french fries). Here’s what I have:

Less of (or nonexistent): tasty vegetable variety in exotic salad forms found on UBS’ salad bar, fish, meat (chicken, beef, pork, lamb), frozen vegetables, canned soups, soy products (milk, tofu, and veggie burgers), CHOCOLATE, ice cream (wahhh! Ben and Jerry’s, crap, I forgot I’ve been eating Flavor Burst like there is no tomorrow when I’m in the city), water, ICE, bread (in hearty whole grain form and toast), cookies, beer, rice (I have performed a minor miracle and haven’t cooked it once since I’ve been in Tarata), pickles, bacon (oh I miss microwave bacon!), canned beans (I miss the pork ‘n beans and refried varieties), anything asian flavored, deli meat, yogurt, salads (boohoo), potato chips

More of: potatoes (esp. fried), whole milk (in liquid and powdered form), bread (in lard filled roll form), coffee, tea, SODA (full sugar, especially Pepsi and Coke), popcorn, corn on the cob, cheese (maybe that’s because if you don’t want to pay out the arse for it you buy it in the one pound block form), fresh tomatoes, hamburgers (I can’t resist a good street hamburger around here), alcohol (in mixed drink or wine form), tortillas, pasta, cream cheese (on bread since they lack bagels around here), chocolate milk (what am I, 5 yrs old?)

Roughly the same amount but in different form: fruit (rarely apples anymore), eggs (fried egg on tortilla with cheese and ketchup anyone?)

Based on this scientific analysis, it is fair to conclude that I have replaced many healthy foods with filling, carbohydrate-laden, white colored, non-nutritious foods thus resulting in weight gain. Although I have reduced my consumption of parts of the “fats, oils, and sweets” group in the traditional food pyramid such as chocolate, ice cream, pickles and bacon, the resulting increase in caloric intake from carbohydrates and decrease in physical activity has lead me to my current circumstances (rotund).

Solution: break all full length mirrors in sight, buy a few pairs of pants with elastic waists, under no circumstances wear anything spandex, banish horizontal stripes from my wardrobe, go for a daily walk, and worry about this in approximately two years.