Minor Freak Out Moment...

I was just reading the Volunteer Handbook and they spoke of all these horrible difficulties in adjusting to life as a trainee, then a volunteer, then readjustment. And I had a spastic freak out moment where I was like...oh god, I'm going to fail horrendously. My Spanish sucks and I'm not ready for this. When people ask me if I'm nervous or scared...my initial reaction is that I'm more excited than anything else...but then the fact that I'm actually moving for 2+ years hits me and then I realize that I'm scared (really scared!)...scared that I'm going to be the biggest wimp ever and not be able to deal with it and have to ET and go home early...scared that I'm not going to do any good in my job down there...scared that I have expectations that I don't realize at this point, but when I get down there I realize that my expectations are way too high for everything and everyone (including myself) and that when I don't succeed I'm going to curl up in a little ball and wish I were at home. But then...I have to tell myself...that worse than those feelings...is the feeling of not knowing what it's like to take a risk in doing something that you truly think matters and not opening yourself up to the failure (or success) that may happen as a result. Although I would love to think of myself as a spontaneous and adventurous person, when it comes down to it I don't think that's my natural disposition, it's something that I force myself to do because I think I will learn something and be a better person for doing things that I'm scared to do. That, and the fact that I don't want to look back at my life 10 years from now and wish I had done things differently. And at this point...who knows, maybe I will look back and wish I had just stuck with what I'm doing now...but I will go out on a limb and say I think there's only about a 25% chance that that's the case so I have to play the game of probability and go for the unknown. I would be horrible at Let's Make a Deal...even when I have something I'm content with I'd have to go for what was behind door #2 and I'd end up with the sheep or goat or whatever other useless livestock was behind there instead of the somewhat valuable prize. Not to say that livestock isn't useful...it's just not my thing :)

And so with that said...I would hope this quote from good old Dumbleydore speaks true (speaking of, I need to catch up! I'm bogged down in the first half of book 5 and need to get a move on it along with seeing movies 4 & 5) -- no, i'm not talking about his "alas! ear wax!" quotation in reference to a Bertie Botts Bean...instead "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." Here's to making choices that make the world a better place...although if I weren't such a muggle I'm sure I'd be able to accomplish so much more in the PC...flying around on my Nimbus 2000...

Best Wedding Ever!

All I can say...is that Mary's wedding was pretty much the most fun possible....such an amazing time and perfect wedding and it makes me hope that someone else gets married soon so we can do it again...although it can't top hers! Here are some pics that I took...ok, a lot of pictures that I took :-D http://www.flickr.com/photos/83263910@N00/sets/72157601084608576/

Also, on another PC related note...I handed in my official resignation today so I'm officially ready to leave for Bolivia :-D

Europe - Check! Mary's Wedding - Coming up!

Got back from a lovely week in Europe visiting Budapest, Vienna and Prague with Steph on Tuesday. Overall she cracked the whip on me to get out of bed and go visit places so we managed to see a lot of things and have some fun times. Only snafu was my mis-reading the train ticket so we showed up at the station in Budapest when the train was supposed to arrive in Vienna rather than leave Budapest...and for a second I thought she was going to kill me, but then I bought her some non-scuzzy water and she forgave me...just. like. that. Uploaded my pics to flickr and Steph will be putting hers on some other website...as in all other things I do...laziness prevailed and I got tired of taking pictures so Steph's photos are much more comprehensive...but here are mine anyways...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/83263910@N00/sets/72157601035974059/

I'm heading off to upstate NY in a few hours for Mary's wedding! Crazy that the day is finally coming, getting ready for a fun-filled weekend :D Then Monday I do the deed at work...and then just two short weeks before heading back to Rochester for a bit then taking off! It's hard to imagine that in less than a month I will be in Bolivia!

Empty Room...and Eastern Europe!

Sold a bunch of my stuff this weekend...nightstand, dresser, bookshelf, TV...my room is feeling pretty empty but I think that's a good sign. That means I'm making progress! A day and a half of work this week and then off to Europe for a week with Stepharoni! Finally getting around to visiting Eastern Europe...Budapest, Vienna and Prague. Trying to practice my skills of packing lightly...and I am the proud new owner of a pair of pink Chacos (Mary and I are twins!) that I got for a bargain at EMS :-D Once I get back from Europe, only two days of work then I'm off to the middle of the woods in upstate NY for Mary's wedding weekend extravaganza! I'm pretty impressed with myself for keeping up on the PC paperwork that keeps coming my way. I've finally learned to not procrastinate when it comes to important things...don't want to make a bad impression that I'm a slacker even before I begin the job ya know...

Ok, I'll update on my vaca when I get back (not that anyone is prob reading this yet...ha!) :)

Oh yeah, and the countdown continues...less than a month until I leave Stamford/the NYC metro area and my job...and 34 days till I leave for staging! Eeeeek!