Confessions, Reflections, and Resolutions

In the past few weeks I’ve been rather uninspired to write any blog entries, mainly because recent events have been uninspiring (yes, everyone loves Christmas and New Year’s but nothing particularly thrilling happened to me during the holiday season besides the excessive consumption of street hamburgers). But 2008 is a new year and a week into it, I will try to get back on the horse. Neigh.

Let’s start off with a few confessions…
1) I went online (window) shopping at J.Crew the other day. Blasphemy! I can honestly say that was the first (okay 2nd or 3rd) time I have wistfully online shopped down here. And I’m going to blame it on the fact that I never cancelled those email notifications (“50% off winter sale!”) because I used to live for those. I did make a clean break with Lord and Taylor and unsubscribed to their notices (although I daydream about shopping sprees with Kelley where we use our coupons to buy $20 Rock and Republic jeans and $80 leather Coach purses). Clearly it was a case of the “I want it because I can’t have it” along with the fantasy that I can be femininely and elegantly dressed even just one day during the next two years. That cashmere cardigan, wool toggle coat, and knee-high leather boots are SO not Peace Corps though. Gotta keep up with the times (currently stylish are a grungy t-shirt and jeans). Maybe what’s even more shocking about this whole experience is that I’m turning girly! Ahhh! Nooo!
2) I haven’t shaved my legs since I left Rochester 4+ months ago. Sarah found this amusing. I don’t have much to say about it besides the fact that I’m soon going to either start putting the leg hair in dreads or braiding it.
3) I made an Excel spreadsheet that tracks how many months I’ve finished of my service, my time in Bolivia, and converts this to a percentage of time completed (currently around 10% of my service done, 17% of time here in Bolivia done). In another column I have detailed what exciting events (ahem, such as visits by my delightful friends and family) are happening each month to keep me looking ahead. I shade green the time that I’ve completed (logically) whereas time yet to be completed is highlighted in yellow. Now, I am enjoying myself the majority of the time that I’m here, but this spreadsheet is for those truly crap-tastic days that you just need to feel like you accomplished something and there’s an end to the madness. Don’t worry, I’m not that weird, Pat confessed to me she does the same thing (albeit not in Excel) and another volunteer who will remain unnamed has said she counts the number of days that she has been in country. This unnamed volunteer also exclaimed to me upon the advent of 2008…”we’re going home next year!” We’re all crazy. It’s okay.
4) I wear the same outfit 5 days in a row. Then I shower. Then I change. I had this debate with my mom about what makes more sense…I believe that if you’re not going to shower, you shouldn’t bother changing your clothes because what’s the point of getting more clothes dirty? My mom thinks that BECAUSE you aren’t showering everyday, you should change your clothes everyday to keep a minimal level of hygiene. Any thoughts?
5) I ate half a watermelon in one sitting. Not one of those itty bitty ones that you can pick up with one hand (like the one you ate when you timed yourself in Shanghai, Steph), but a full sized watermelon. Bolivia makes you do crazy things, I’m not sure why I bought it when I knew fully well I was the only one that was going to be eating it. But then again I’m the kind of fruit fiend that can eat 2 lbs of strawberries in a day no problem. The day I bought the watermelon was also the day I went to Coch in search of fruit and I was tottering through the cancha with 5 apples, 8 mangoes, and my big watermelon along with some other Christmas purchases. Surprisingly, my stomach did not explode as a result of the watermelon consumption. Leslie – do you need me to carry a watermelon back to your apartment from Star Market for you?

Moving onto a reflection…I was riding in the taxi-trufi (of course double-shotgun) back to Tarata yesterday after dropping Pat off in the city with her luggage (she’s going home! hopefully just for a few weeks though to get some medical stuff taken care of…if she leaves me for good I will not be a happy camper) and I was like, wow, Bolivia IS pretty. I finally took notice that since rainy season is here the mountains and everything are lush and green. I guess that’s what it’s like to be in a site like Semaipata that is green and tropical all the time. Anyways, I’ll enjoy the scenery while I have it and then enjoy the dusty brown landscape with cactus the rest of the year. It makes me think that maybe people should come visit me during the rainy season though because it’s prettier here during that time. Vamos a ver.

New Year’s Resolutions. Me being me, the master of to-do list (taking a shower was on the agenda for yesterday, check!), traditionally, I write resolutions in list format. I enjoy quantitative, measurable goals for the latest year (some might even say they qualify as SMART objectives as designated by PMM – the oh-so-useful annual performance review mechanism at UBS). In light of my recent move to Bolivia, land of uncertainty and circumstances that prevent you from accomplishing things on a strict timeline, I am willing to make an exception. By writing in paragraph format. If I get really creative I might even throw a poem in there for you.

Resolution: I am going to lose 15 lbs and quit smoking. Actually, no. More probable is that I’m going to gain 15 lbs (or shall we convert that into kilos? or maybe it’ll just be 15 kg, I’ll round up) and take up smoking. No Mom, not really. I’m kidding. But I have heard on more than one occasion volunteers have taken up cigarettes in order to combat stress (yes, getting 10 hours of sleep at night can be extremely stressful). Anyways, in review, 2007 was the year that I turned 25 and had a major quarter-life crisis and immediately flew off to Bolivia on my birthday, August 21st. I would like to think I am spontaneous like that, but unfortunately my decision to finally LEAVE for the PC was the combination of the premonition of the impending sub-prime disaster in financial services (hah, if I had actually seen that coming I would be a very smart and rich person) and the decision to finally stop being lazy and wade through the paperwork required for PC.

So that brings me to my one-liner: my resolution for 2008 is to live without regrets. As some of my sisters of Kappa Kappa Gamma might put it “to go for the gold.” Umm…I haven’t though about the fact that I was in sorority for awhile. I feel the urge to bust into an “Everyone Loves a Kappa Gamma, Everyone Loves a K-K-G” chant or the refrain from “On the Heart of Each Sister.” Okay, that moment has passed. So what does living a year without regrets involve? At this point I really have the hankering to make a numbered list but I will resist! Something smells really bad right now. I think it’s the pigs next door though since I just took a shower yesterday. But I digress. So what I really wanted to say is that living without regrets this year means that I’m pledging to try really hard to get some sustainable (ooh, development buzzword!) work done in my primary and secondary projects. And I’m going to get out in my community more to embrace the experience that I’m so lucky to have. And I’m going to make a conscious effort to improve my Spanish and learn some Quechua (this requires putting down those darn cheesy mystery novels I keep on getting from the PC library). Overall, I think it can be summarized in getting off my lazy arse and not being afraid. Oh, and I’m going to study really hard for the GMAT and at least 680 on it (hopefully I’m as smart as I foolishly think I am). And then I’m going to save the world. 2008, ready or not, here I come!